I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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