There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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