and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
