No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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