i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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