You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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