using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
