Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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