I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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