I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
