did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
