why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
