I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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