They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
