No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
