guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
