A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The air taste purple.
Randomize
