I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
