I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
