when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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