She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
