I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
