You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
