6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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