Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
