When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
