hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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