just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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