I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
