I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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