If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's never too late to be topless.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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