guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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