I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
