my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Enjoy the penises
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
