Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
