i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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