cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
