no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
