I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
