Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
