the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
