I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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