I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
sex in a hospital.. check
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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