I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
