All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
