its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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