Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
