you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
