If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
