covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
