How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I lost the right to judge tonight
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
