I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
