I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
