I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
