yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
